How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
