So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
