so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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