I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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