i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He better not be in your backpack
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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