wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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