Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
