Where are you?
In a non slutty way
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My penis needs a shock collar
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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