Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize