You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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