if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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