Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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