It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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