The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
