New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
