Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
