Don't make out with my wife yet
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
