508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
