You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
