I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
