you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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