i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
