Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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