u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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