YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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