Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize