Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
