Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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