i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
