wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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