I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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