Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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