____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
