he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we're making bets on your personal life
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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