she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
