omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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