you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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