so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
