Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
