Kareoke will never be a sober sport
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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