The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
