I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
