Hey man sorry I got all grabby
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
