I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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