that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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