I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
