The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
His hands were made for my vagina.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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