I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
