Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
