I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
