barbara walters just said penis...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
