Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
