You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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