Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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