The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
