im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize