We tried having a conversation with our noses.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
