Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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