oh god the rape fog is back!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
