the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize