I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
