I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
