I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
