I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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