Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
