Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
