i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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