I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
