Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is it because I queefed?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I understand Curling. That high.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
