You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
